A quick note before anything else. This week, five of my LMDW Artist Series reviews were done with industry samples provided free of charge and without any pesky strings attached; this message precedes each of those reviews. As ever, I am unsure if that led me to grade harder or easier, but I prefer ant entanglements to be upfront. For more, check out the ethics statement we use on Maltrunners.com.

Whisky: Glen Garioch 34 Year (1988), LMDW Artist #13 Cask 108563

Country/Region: Scotland/Highland

ABV: 45.3%

Cask: Hogshead

Age: 34 Years (Distilled 1988, Bottled 2023)

Nose: Melons and white flowers with straw, tractor grease, marzipan, orchard fruits, and vanilla.

Palate: Medium to light-bodied, gentle effervescence, citrus rind, orchard fruits, peppercorn, crisp and fresh cucumber, mineral water bite, grapefruit.

Finish: Long and oily with fruit skins, straw, and gentle pepper.

Score: 7 (83)

Mental Image: Melon Merchant on a Soda Break

Narrative & Notes: The aroma presented honey dews and cantaloups nestled in straw and packed in wooden crates, while a touch of oil and grease got the truck motor running again. Marzipan and orchard fruits promised pastries and tea with hints of malty scones, white flowers, and vanilla bean cream.  Medium to light-bodied with a gentle effervescence popping from citrus rinds, orchard fruits, peppercorns, and cucumber.  It was all artisanal sodas with a mild mineral water bite, grapefruit, herbal tea, and a touch of mineral oil. The finish was long and oily with fruit skins, straw, and a gentle pepper.

If anything were to finally convince me of “Dead Internet Theory,” the idea that they internet is mostly bots generating content and interacting with one another, it would be looking up tasting notes for whiskies and seeing the AI slop plastered across online storefronts.  Here are a few examples for this bottle along with a comparison from ChatGTP, and the actual material provided by LMDW.  Note that most of them sound nearly identical and have nothing to do with the notes or material supplied by the bottler.

It is bizarre to me, and somewhat concerning, that anyone might use these notes to make a purchase decision.  I am already weary of generative AI text bleeding into assignments with my students, and coming across it in a hobby space, because I have seen people admit to generating whisky reviews with ChatGPT or other generative AI services, is depressing. How can you trust a storefront that completely invents bottle descriptions?

As to the whisky: it was mellow and interesting, not as wild as some of the 90s Glen Garioch with their occasionally farmy qualities, but the melon and cucumber elements pushed it into less trodden flavor territory. The $1000 price tag was at least double what I would feel comfortable paying and may have affected my rating here, but the whisky was good and I would never turn down a pour.